About loneliness

Loneliness is one of the most common situations in our lives. Sometimes we desire more friends, a romantic relationship, more time with family... We weren't "designed" to spend our lives alone, but there are moments and situations that come and we don't know what to do with them.There is nothing wrong in your desires. Don't feel guilty about what you want, what you feel and how you think things could be better, and be sure that God isn't mad at you at all because of your feelings and desires. He understands. He experimented loneliness himself in the cross, the most painful moments in his 33-years life.

It is good to talk about your feelings and situations with someone you trust, isn't there a person like that in your life right now? Also, have you opened your heart to God, with all your fears, your feelings, even if there is a hint of resenment there? Remember the Psalms: David even asked God to kill his enemies!! He didn't keep anything for himself, he opened his heart and mind to God just as they were and God himself transformed his mind, feelings and life.Sometimes we can think that saying some things that are in our heart and mind to God is inappropriate and He won't like us anymore. God knows how we are made of. And if you don't put before Him all you think feel, want, fear, expect and hope for He can't transform your heart and mind first, and then your life. It is good to read the Psalms and see how David's prayer changes during the prayer, he begins with angst and rage and then he finishes with peace in his heart and worshiping the Lord!

Talk to Him about your loneliness, and how much it bothers you now. Try to build a strong relationship with Him, and with time He will provide friends, spiritual advisors, or any company you need and that will be helpful for you. Don't ask for a great amount of "friends", but for friends that really are there for you and are willing to help you grow in your path with the Lord, even if they are just a few. Maybe you could find youth groups in your parish or school, and that way you can get to know more people, but remember, even those people we admire the most, sometimes they won't act as we could have expected, and they can dissapoint us, even if they don't want to. People are not perfect, but God is. I understand perfectly how you feel, and now I can say my life is different; He made the job, and that's why I worship Him. Be not afraid, and offer your loneliness to the Lord, He'll know what to do with it, but when you offer it to Him, and offer your mind and heart as they are right now, He can transform all of them for your sake and the sake of others around you. Amen!

The power of words

Many things have been said about the power of words in our decisions, in our feelings, in our lives... "If you believe you can live a life of victory, declare it with your mouth!", for example. It is possible, considering that our mouth and our acts show what we have inside, and Jesus himself recogized that.

Some years ago, after two experiences referred about love that honestly I don't want to remember, I promised myself not to say "I love you" to a man before he had taken the initiative. I almost can hear many cries of protest saying that we are not longer in the Middle Age, we are in XXI Century and we have to live according to that. Concerning this matter, I highly recommend Elisabeth Eliott's fabulous book "Passion and Purity", about how important is to submit our love life under God's authority.

And now I want to explain why I took this decision. I said "I love you" to two men in my life, and both experiences were a disaster. There isn't a better way to describe it. But the worst part wasn't the men's reactions, the final results, but how I felt inside after that. Even if we are told everyday to do what it feels good to us, at last, it didn't work for me. It's not good for self-esteem to acknowledge that, if I didn't make any movement, I wouldn't have the men by my side, and at last this horrible thought shows up: "I am not worth the pursue, the dedication of a man".

So with that decision, I have to admit that I haven't regretted it. Not for a single minute. We are flesh, and we have feelings, and it's normal to show signs of enthusiasm, anger, despair, joy, depending of the situation; it's not only normal, but good. But trying to have a control over them. Even if this can be extremely difficult concerning love, I think that one of the best ways of submitting those feelings is to watch our words. Keep our mouth shut. Saying "I love you" is not something nice to say in certain circumstances, or we just want something from other person. When we use those words with no caution, the comsequences can be terrible.

Recently, one of my friends and I put things on the table, or more precisely, our feelings about each other. He said that I showed some feelings for him beyond friendship, and at some moments I felt that he wanted me to "be honest" to him saying how I really feel about him. I didn't. I remembered that promise, and even now I still have not said anything in those terms, less to him. And I don't regret what I did. It wasn't the right time, and I knew that for sure. So I will keep my mouth shut until that time comes, maybe with him, maybe with another man, the one God has prepared for me since eternity.

That converstation was very enlightening, and of course I appreciate his honesty, not every man do that. He reminded me -I always have known- why we couldn't consider anything beyond friendship, and I understand. Another reason to keep the mouth shut. And the heart quiet. And even with that, I appreaciate his friendship, it has impacted my life in ways I never considered possible. That's what we have, and that's what I am thankful for. I don't know if I ever will tell him all this, but now things have to stay the way they are.

After more than four years, I have kept my promise, not only to keep my heart, but also because God wants to protect me and guard my heart for my future husband. I will say "I love you" only to a man that, apart of those meaningful three words, tells me and demostrates me that he won't let me go. It's a way to honor that man even before I met him, and I know he'll appreciate it in the right time.